Shiny and New

Are you a virgin? There is no correct answer to this question. In fact your best bet is to skirt around the topic with a vague and suitably charming witty comment. Under no circumstances should you bright red, giggle, or answer too quickly. Under no circumstances should you mumble half heartedly “Uh....kind of”. Such statements will lead to in depth questioning of how you can kind of be a virgin. Those of you who have read our James’ post will know that these vague half virginities are very possible in the queer community. Probably even more so for female than male, as it could be said that there is no penetration in lesbian sex without a strap on....Personally I reckon lesbian sex is all about the intent and orgasm...a casual grope does not a good fucking make. But, each to their own.

So having got that serious bit out of the way, I will now proceed to the main....meat....of my post. Which, seems to be rambling about whatever popped into my head after the topic virginity was announced. First a short story some of you may recognise:

I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through. I didn’t know how lost I was until I found you. I was beat, incomplete, I’d been had, I was sad and blue. But, you made me feel, you made me feel shiny and new. Like a virgin touched for the very first time.

This video is an accurate portrait of what I look like at the end of a 15 hour shift. 

The next thought that popped into my head is of the second most well known virgin story of all time. Mary of Nazareth. (The first most famous is the Miley Cyrus virginity story....she claims sex is magical and healing. Inspiring words Miley, inspiring). Anyway I thought while we were speaking about virginity I’d speak about its evolution. Our holy mother sits nicely in the downturn of virginity, think of it as a recession in sexual liberty. We began our days as liberal caveman, rutting against each other on cold stone floors. Soon we had priestesses whose entire careers were sex related. Women were free to fuck whoever (or whatever) they wanted, in the name of the fertility gods, who would restore barren lands and wombs alike. Then came the economic downturn as it were...the advent of sexual disease lead to a ban on promiscuity. Suddenly virgin equalled pure, and sex before marriage equalled a death sentence. I like to think we’re getting ourselves into a balance between the caveman and the bible these days.

I apologise for the rambling. I have been getting about four hours sleep a day for the last two weeks, and working nearly 15 hours a night. Remember kids....sex is sex not rocket science. But, you only pop your cherry once- so make it count, and always use protection. The virgin birth story just isn’t cutting it any-more.

Thanks for reading pumpkins,

Mel Princess of Flesh and Blood

Since a little clarification seems necessary...

As a bisexual male, virginity is very, very complex. I mean, when you say "virginity", what do you mean? Does it only apply to penetrative heterosexual sex? Can it be penetrative homosexual sex? As a bottom, or only as a top? Where do blowjobs come in all of this?

I refuse to make a joke about that last sentence. 

I mean, if you just take "virginity" as the state of not having participated in a given sexual act, then there are at least 12 different virginities a bisexual male can have, if you ignore the somewhat less common/legal ones. I mean, look:

1. Homosexual penetrative sex, top.
2. Homosexual penetrative sex , bottom.
3. Homosexual oral sex, top.
4. Homosexual oral sex, bottom.
5. Homosexual manual sexual stimulation, top.
6. Homosexual manual sexual stimulation, bottom.
7. Heterosexual penetrative sex.
8. Heterosexual oral sex, female -> male.
9. Heterosexual oral sex, male -> female.
10. Heterosexual manual stimulation, female -> male.
11. Heterosexual manual stimulation, male -> female.
12. Usage of sex toys.

You should've seen the list that did include the weird ones.

So which one do you mean, overly-curious friend, when you ask me if I've lost my virginity? Are you asking me if I've given someone a blowjob, or if a girl has given me a handjob, or if I've used anal beads?

...actually, if you're one of my friends, you're probably working from the weird list.

Yours not-quite-so-purely,

James.

I've lost 7/12. 

Why commit to one sport when you can drool over all?

Since the sport I had chosen was stolen from me *stares at James* I decided not to commit to any specific sport. Drooling monogamy? Never heard of it, so here I present you with

A Hottie for each Olympic sport (well, some of them)


Not an easy task! I didn't imagine it being this difficult, not just deciding the hottest athletes but also what pic to put O.O So you better enjoy this!


Archery - Jake Kaminsky (ok I don't know much about archery and it's the best I could find)

Athletics - Jack Green

Boxing - Clemente Russo

Diving - David Boudia (Since we've already seen Tom Daley)

Football - David Beckham

Judo - Ashley McKenzie 

Rowing - Giuseppe Lanzone

Sailing - Bob Willis

Swimming - Michael Phelps

I was going somewhere with this post...

Imagine the least sporty person you know. Give them a level of sportyness from 0 to 1, where 0 is "not at all sporty" and 1 is "this guy is the definition of sport." Once you've decided on how (un)sporty the least sporty person you know is, divide that number by a thousand, halve it, divide it by a thousand again, then divide it by four, just for good measure. Hopefully you should have a number with so many decimal places it's practically zero. If not, you need a new calculator. If you do, then that's just a fraction of how sporty I consider myself to be. It will come as no surprise then when I say that I couldn't really care less about the Olympics, nor much else to do with it, frankly - I had to live with hours of delays and plenty of road closures when a little flame went down a road on an obnoxiously large gold stick IN THE MIDDLE OF RUSH HOUR.

However, I will confess that I have a bit of a soft spot for certain sports concerning water... basically anything involving a pair of these:

Forgive me if the next few paragraphs ramble, this photo is directly in my field of vision and hugely droolworthy distracting.

In most cases, I will also have a soft spot for the person wearing them - think Tom Daley or the guy in that photo, or Troy, or Colin Morgan (I'm not sure if the latter wears them, and I'm desperately wishing/hoping the former does). In all of those most cases, I'd rather there was nothing there at all. 

I hardly need to point out exactly what it is about this particular Olympic sport which is so attractive - good looking thin guys with just enough muscle, none of whom look like a walking forest and have just enough gear to be able to pull off the above look without a) anything spilling out or b) wondering if there is actually anything under said speedo. I confess, once or twice I may even have considered taking up swimming myself, although weather this was a) to learn how to save myself from drowning if I needed to, b) to get fit and be able to boast a body of above description or c) for the locker-room antics which will inevitably occur, I'm never quite sure. I'm sure one day soon enough, I'll see the light and realise that taking up swimming is of course the perfect excuse for all three options.

I realise I haven't exactly been on-topic for quite a lot of this post - I can still see a sizeable amount of bulge in that photo - so to distract my mind (and yours, if you're not still staring), I was going to point out all the handsome swimmers in this years Olympics, like the charming Monsieur Lefert of France (who, by the way, is competing in the 100m Butterfly, 4x100m and 4x200m Freestyle relay and the 4x100m Medley relay, just so you know). However, as I was scrolling through the photos, it struck me that many of them look like former guests of Her Majesty, and it occured to me that I would have to eat my words about all swimmers being good looking. 

So that I don't have to do that, here is further proof that all swimmers are good looking. 

God bless... Australia?!

Happy drooling.

The perfect sport for BDSM training

I'd like to devote this post to all the hot Olympic judo entrants, showcase particularly well by the cunning v in the shirt of their uniforms.

'oops'

My personal favourite is Ludwig Paischer from Austria, he won a silver in 2008 and his nickname is Lupo, which I assume means wolf. Seriously, who doesn't like to see hot guys beat each other up? It's been in the media for decades, James Bond, western movies, sci fi, Indiana Jones, Rocky....the list is endless really, it's so recurring and popular then surely they're on to something. It probably says something deep and meaningful about the human psyche that we enjoy violence so much, but when chests like these exist, why not?

As James pointed out, this form of controlled violence would make them the ideal candidates for a little BDSM, they can dish it out and stop well before it goes too far making a good dom, or equally they can take a little pain, who doesn't want to pull that cute blonde hair?

Todostrieb

Flexibility and tight leotards- 'nugh said

Sadly I'm currently working an eighty-four hour week at the Olympics in question, so this post will be kept short. (Don't worry about me folks, I waived my European time directive rights).

All athletes have a lovely physicality to them, which in an intimidating way makes them very attractive. It makes a nice change to find a woman who would like to be complimented on the size of her calves more than her breasts. They are the best that the human form can provide, fast, strong, dedicated and.....shiny with sweat. What I'm trying to say here is, as a general rule most athletes are fit in a non traditional sense.

But, if I had to chose one discipline that appealed to me most, it would be gymnastics- hands down. Probably the floor displays, though I find those ring things and horse boxes full of possibility also. Flexibility, tight costumes, lithe muscles.....think of the sex!

Here is a GB athlete from the 2008 Olympics. See! It's hypnotic, and I find the commentary a curious turn on.

So folks....when you tune into the Olympics (apparently there are 5 billion viewers worldwide, that's everyone with a telly, so it includes you probably) be sure to check out the cuties in leotards, male and female.

GO TEAM GB!

Lots of Love,

Mel

Finally, having Instagram payed off.

The theme this week, in-keeping with the current events in the UK, is basically "Drool-worthy Olympic Sports", and I had no problem coming up with my post (even if I did have to fight Miu for the right to do it). You see, I have Instagram, which I use primarily for taking arty shots of clouds, peacocks, electricity pylons and the like, but also for viewing other peoples' photos. It's kinda like Twitter, and as such, you "follow" other people, and I decided to follow Tom Daley, because, well, Olympics coming up, UK talent and all that. This is the first photo I saw:

Excuse me while I fall off my chair.

I am literally having a mental affair with Tom Daley, cheating on Ezra Miller. This manboy is literally the most amazingly beautiful creature on the surface of any planet in this Universe. I mean, just, gah, look:

Gah.

He is sickeningly good looking, and only 18, too, a perfect candidate for turning gay in a night of wild lust contemporary of mine. But it's not just the esteemed Mr. Daley that's seemingly dodged every branch on the ugly tree on his 10.0 dive from Heaven. It's others, too, and Diving makes for some admirable qualities:

Good body.

Evidently not easily scared.

Can anyone say "flexible"?

So, yes, Diving certainly qualifies as "drool worthy".

Tom Daley marry me and do awful things to me.

Did you hear something?

I love you Tom I'll let you be the Dom.

Must be the wind.

As always, we're freely available at homojournal@gmail.com (especially to Tom Daley), but for now, I'm off to browse Instagram.

And send Tom Daley some nudes.

Yours stalkingly,

James.

Only bad WiFi is stopping me from actually sending Tom Daley nudes.

And the winner is....

Firstly, I should probably point out that I stole the idea for this week from a YouTube collab channel I subscribe to, called The Global Gays, and I sincerely suggest that everybody goes and watches some of their videos because a) they're well made, b) they come from all over the world, c) they're all vaguely good looking and d) one of them tends to post without clothes on.

Secondly, the move to Germany went well, all boxes are unpacked and some sort of order is now being established in this house, even if I have to get used to driving on the wrong side of the road, and giving way to traffic coming from the right.

And now to the bit which everybody has been waiting for.

This week, my esteemed colleagues decided it was high time to find me a boyfriend, there were a number of suggestions, some of them hopefully weren't serious.... to recap, the choices were:

• An Ezra Miller clone
• Mel
• Sherlock / Benedict Cumberbatch
• Merlin / Colin Morgan
• The Doctor / Matt Smith
• David Tennant
• Justin Bieber
• Neil Patrick Harris

An Ezra Miller clone
James, I agree with you that Mr Miller is rather scrumptious, and I would most certainly not object to calling him my boyfriend, but alas, we are talking about a humble clone here, and I'd rather have the original - but thanks for the offer >.< I'll have the clone as my toyboy though!

Mel
There is one fatal problem to this suggestion, I'm afraid Mel - you possess boobs and a vagina in place of a penis and unfortunately, as you pointed out in your post, that's a problem for me....

Sherlock / Benedict Cumberbatch
I saw this suggestion and thought 'brilliant!' But then I sat down to write this post, and I suddenly thought that Sherlock and I would never quite get on with one another... As Todostrieb pointed out, I do possess a vague interest in astrophysics, and Sherlock is completely ignorant of the formation of the solar system. Sorry, that's a no go. Besides, we'd argue too much. Benedict, on the other hand... is ginger and a little old for me, maybe if you were to freeze him until I'm his age, then things might work.

Merlin / Colin Morgan
This is another suggestion I was thrilled with, imagine the spark it would add to our sex lives when Merlin climaxes and it turns out to be a magical incantation which sets the bed on fire or something... Excellent, that's sorted. And then I realised that my cat is called Merlin too, and suddenly it occurred to me that people who know this fact might assume I'm a beastophile when I proudly declare "Merlin's my boyfriend". Actually, that's probably the reason why I'm considering the actors too, I have no objection to Colin Morgan, as long as he can speak in that sexy Merlin voice rather than his natural Irish accent...

The Doctor
I'm going to assume that Mel was referring to the Elevnth when she out this suggestion forward, since it was Eleven's picture she'd added to the post - besides, the previous ten doctors no longer exist. Now don't get me wrong, I'd kill to be the Doctor's companion, in every sense of the word, but I'd get too attached to the one I'm with, I wouldn't get on with the new one after regeneration. In terms of the actors for the doctor, some of them are dead, and I'm no necrophiliac, others simply don't do it for me. Matt Smith, however, I'd not say no too.

David Tennant
Again, I loved this suggestion, but then I re-watched Journey's End from season 4 of Doctor Who, and realised that he was far too hairy. I do however agree with that set of criteria you listed, Todostrieb, of course, the Not Gay part to David Tennant was a problem....

Justin Bieber
Eli, I seriously hope that you were joking when you suggested this.... person. I won't pass judgement on his (lack of) musical talent,  And I'm not sure when I ever said I was into small men...? (I'm not, for the record.) Besides, he looks about twelve years old...

Neil Patrick Harris
Now there's eye candy if there ever was some... And I must correct you, Miu, Neil is engaged to be married (to a rather smexy specimen of a man). Although, my conscience gets the better of me here, I don't want to deprive their kids of their two lovely daddies and destroy their relationship, I prefer monogamy.

And so I must declare Mel to be the winner. That doesn't mean she's now my boyfriend, I'm not sure Eli would let that happen. She put forward the winning suggestion of Colin Morgan, even if she didn't mean to, and has my permission to endulge herself with Jelly Babies and Vodka.

When every straight man's hero turns out to be gay

Yes, I am late, but I want to submit my candidate for Rory's boyfriend.

Name: Neil Patrick Harris

Age: Irrelevant

Hair: Blond

Eyes: Blue

Special features: Awsomeness 

Wikipedia: Neil Patrick Harris is an American actor, singer, director, and magician. Harris was named as one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people in 2010,[2] and was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in September 2011. 

Why is he the best candidate

• Gay
• Handsome
• Well dressed
• Actor
• Broadway singer and dancer
• Funny
• Charming
• Amazing
• Did I mention Broadway??

Facts to ignore - He is married and has kids... Not to worry! As soon as he sees you Rory it will be love at first sight and will get a divorce. It adds another pro: family guy, kind father.

Still not convinced? Watch this

Or...

Because I love Hugh Jackman :D

I must add a thanks to my boyfriend for showing me these videos... no he is not gay :/

Love,

Miu xx

"If I was your boyfriend..."

Hello from japan. I heard that this week's theme is "find rory a boyfriend". If I am wrong, forgive me. It's hard to be sure without the internet.
In the car today, this song came on in the radio:


                                   It seemed perfect, considering this week's theme.

Here's a brief factfile:

Name: Justin Drew Bieber
-Birth date: March 1, 1994
-Birth place: Stratford, Ontario, Canada
-Eye Color: Brown
-Hair Color: Brown
-Height: 5’3 ½ and growing!
-Parents: Pattie (mom)
-Siblings: sister, Jazmyn
-Pets: One dog (Sammy)
-Super Power Wish: To fly
-Favorite Candy: Sour Patch Kids
-Hidden talent: “I can solve a Rubik’s cube in less than a minute.”
-Nicest gift he’s ever given: “I took my mom on a vacation to Florida.”
-Favorite time of day: Night
-Favorite TV show: Smallville
-Celebrity crush: Beyoncé
-Favorite brand of shoes: Supra
-Favorite brand of toothpaste: Colgate
-Most special fan gift: A set of dog tags.

Why I think he would be a good boyfriend?
a) he explained in his song
b) from looking at who you fancied in the past, I noticed some carracteristics they had in common: musical, shorter than you, slim, slightly foreign... You must agree, he fits in perfectly with that crowd!
c) He's musical,and he'd be able to wake you up with a love-song.
d) he has money and a good career, which is a plus, you must agree:D

However, there's two downsides to him:
a) he's constantly working!
b) You'd have to fight off the fangirls, including Selena (and think of the death-threats you'd recieve!!)

Vote Bieber for your boyfriend, you know you secretly want him to call  you "Baby".

eli x

ps, sorry.. it was all I could think of... :( the Japanese sun has burned out my brains...
pps, feel free to leave a comment and email. I'm away, and won't be able to message back, but I'm sure one of my loyal subjects will be happy to reply for me :D

Ps- I think this post should be renamed 'Lustin' for Justin'- Mel

Rory's Dream Guy

Let me see:

1. Musically talented
2. Doctor Who nerd
3. Tall
4. Likes gummy bears and vodka
5. Brunette (I just automatically pair all blondes with brunettes for some reason, adds variety to their children)
6. Appreciates astrophysics, but hates the rest of the physics field
7. Gay

No one I personally know fits these criteria which I have devised for Rory’s genetically unparalleled mate. The closest of my personal acquaintances only fits four out  of seven :/ however, if I were to go out on a limb here the obvious choice is David Tennant.

Pros:

• Doctor who nerd
• Sexy
• Tallish
• Probably knows a little astrophysics
• Almost everyone likes vodka and gummy bears, so he is likely to
• Brunette with pretty highlights

Cons:

• Not gay
• Not certain of musical prowess, but if all else fails could be lovingly ‘tutored’ by Rory

The not gay problem I suspect is one of the biggest issues that face non-straight people today, some people take offense if they get propositioned by a member of the opposite sex, but, as we all know everyone is actually bisexual (refer all questions to Miu).  Remember, it also works the other way around, you could be totally in love with a girl who regrets to inform you is a lesbian.

Come hither my dear Rory

In short, Rory, begin your stalking now.

Todostrieb

Two Spice Girls Were Named After Mel

It all started one day when Mel was sat at her laptop thinking clever thoughts. Sadly she was interrupted from these clever thoughts by the homo-journalists, who demanded she take time out of her hectic schedule to attend to Rory’s whims. 

Mel muttered to herself darkly, the homo-journalists did not find this unusual as Mel often talked to herself, it was the only way she could get any intelligent conversation. 

Worryingly, Mel’s first thought was "well if he needs a boyfriend, I’ll do it. I volunteer for the good of humanity to show Rory the ropes." Then she remembered, there was a ‘boy’ stipulated somewhere in the homo-journalists request, and sadly she couldn’t quite fill those cough pants cough. 

So the search began. Except, well that fan fiction was looking pretty tempting right now.....and so five hours later Mel was found past her deadline still laughing about Harry Potter And The Methods Of Rationality. 

Then dundundun Mel had one of those moments of pure genius that very few mortals could ever understand. Fan fiction, the answer to all our problems she thought. It is a well known saying in the gay community. In real life- assume straight. In a fandom- assume gay. Thus Mel proposed we match make Rory with some of the slash fan fiction stars.

Identity Code: RORYBF001	Previous pairings: John Watson MBBS (Johnlock), Moriarty (Morlock), Dr Who (Wholock), Molly Hooper (this pairing has no colloquial name, due to it being inherently crap), The Woman.
Height: 6’0
Hotness factor: Infinite
Fandom: Sherlock
Comments: He can deduce me anytime. Strongly suggest Rory proposes now.

Identity Code: RORYBF002	Previous pairings: Arthur Pendragon (Merthur), Uther Pendragon (Incestuous foursomes may be an added bonus Rory), Gwen (ewww), Morgana (slightly less eww), The dragon (we don’t judge).
Height: 6’1
Hotness factor: Magical
Fandom: Merlin
Comments: We all know that magical powers are essential for anal sex of any kind. Have you not read any Drarry?

Identity Code: RORYBF003	Previous pairings: The Tardis (who cares about physical relationships anyway), Rose (it broke our hearts a little), Rory (see our Rory is already in- he like’s Rories), See comments, the list is too long to complete also SPOLIERS.
Height: 5’11.5
Hotness factor: Hello Sexy
Fandom: The Whoverse
Comments: He’s over 900 years old, think of all the time he’s had to perfect his technique. Also, they don’t call him lord for nothing- well hello SIIIR.

Report conclusion:

Mel proposes MERWHOLOCKRORY.....

Reports secondary conclusion: 

Fire Mel from Homojournal for being certifiably insane.

Goodnight folks, thanks for reading.

Mel

Well, that was simple.

Here at Homojournal HQ (which, despite the fact that only 1/6 of us frequent there, I have just decided is Wetherspoons), we have a mission. A mission so important, so universally accepted as the apotheosis of honourable quests, that we at Homojournal aren't quite sure that we can do it. But, for our own sake, we must try.

Our quest?

Finding Rory a boyfriend.

#13: The Boyfriend.

Now, all the other Homojournalists are scratching their heads at this, desperately trying to figure out who Rory would be most suited to, but I, even though I'm on holiday and therefore don't have very much time to think, found this easy. I know what Rory likes.

I know what everyone likes.

Besides, in an earlier post I already said I intended to clone Ezra Miller and keep multiples of him as sex slaves, so I should have one for Rory to take.

Hell, have three.

Yours strangely,

James.

If this fails, I know Rory well enough through text conversations to know which of our schoolmates to drug and present to him in only tight boxers.

So what does marriage actually mean?

I share Todostrieb's opinion on marriage as a whole; I know more ex-married people than I do married people, my parents should be included in this statistic, and I'm not sure if I'll ever get married for a number of reasons, chief among them has to be the lack of boyfriend to propose to (me). Despite that, I'm always one for a party, and what else is a wedding if not the excuse to get drunk and/or laid? As such, I clearly do not need to point out that I am completely for gay marriage, or as I like to call it, marriage. I found this pie chart, which kind of weighs up the pros and cons quite nicely.

It really is that simple.

When the UK legalised Civil Partnerships for same-sex couples, I was probably too young to have had an opinion - at least, an opinion which meant anything. For those of you who don't know what a Civil Partnership means, it's essentially exactly the same as marriage in all but name, and you can only have one if you're gay. To any poor heterosexual people out there (I'm looking at Miu), as it stands you can only get married or you can not get married, if you'd rather have a civil partnership because it sounds less binding, tough.

That's the problem I have with marriage legislation in this country at the moment. While a Civil Partnership and a Marriage are exactly the same thing in all but name (both give you the same rights in the eye of the law, supposedly), one sounds less impressive than the other, and the more impressive sounding one is also better understood than the other. If Miu and her boyfriend were to spontaneously announce "We're getting married!", then everybody would celebrate and throw a party because marriage is a universally understood term. If I were to announce that my currently non-existent boyfriend and I are "getting partnered"... I can just picture the underwhelming response and the shy "what the fuck does that mean" response that is bound to meet us.

Told you so.

And so we've arrived in a situation where the terms Civil Partnership and Marriage have been clouded by the public's ignorance of their meaning, and who they're for. As far as I'm concerned, as long as the big cheeses in Government call something like marriage one thing for LGBTQ people and another for everybody else, then they will never be truly equal, and that is why marriage should become legal for gay people and civil partnerships become available to straight people, if they want them. I know there's a whole other debate about religion and gay marriage which Mel went into quite nicely - I must admit that some of the things coming out of some religious people's mouths (or is that arses?) have been frankly outrageous, but I suppose that it just highlights the blatant homophobia which runs through parts of the church. What they can't seem to understand is that what the government is proposing is that all civil venues (like registry offices etc) must perform a gay wedding if called upon to do so; religious venues do not. That's not redefining marriage, nor is it damaging marriage - if I remember correctly, Henry VIII created the Church of England to enable him to divorce one of his many wives, unless I'm seriously old-fashioned, divorce seems more damaging to the 'institute' of marriage than allowing more people to actually get married....

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant. I will finish by saying that I have to admit that a Tory-led government were the last people I expected to hold a consultation on the subject, let alone try and legalise equal marriage before the next election, so even if they fail in everything else (tuition fees, anybody?), I suppose I'll have some sympathy for Cameron and Clegg when they get kicked out of Downing Street in May 2015.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm helping my mum move to Germany next week, so I won't be around to post next Friday - if any of you lovely people would like to submit something to post in my place, please feel free to do so!
Rory

"That's so gay!!"

What do I think about ? I'm not quite sure. Bad Eli, you should have thought about this before you started this post.

But you see reader, I am going to Japan tomorrow, and as I have yet to obtain my return ticket, I have more pressing matters: how am I supposed to survive being away from my beloved Mel for 2+ months?? 

Even though I am LGBT, and have heard the choo-choo of the gay marriage train and parade pass by, right in front of my eyes, I haven't contemplated marriage. 

Right now, I am queer. This means I don't know whether I shall marry a guy, a girl, a MTF,  a FTM, a gender-queer person etc, or whether I will marry at all. To be honest, as a child coming from a broken family, marriage doesn't seem too exciting for me, and walking down the isle in a poofy dress seems sickening and scary. But I wouldn't mind babies, they always seem cute... damn my maternal instincts!!


I currently have Mel, and we have often joked about getting married, and having a baby  "François", and maybe others, simply because it's fun to fantasise sometimes and play house/happy-families. However, I will not lie, I am ignorant about whether it is even legal to get married in the UK, and what the difference between a "Civil Partnership" and a "Marriage" is. 

According to the great internet:

"Civil partnerships are a legally recognised union between two people of the same sex...Couples who become partnered will have the right to exactly the same legal treatment across a range of matters as a married couple would expect." 

"A partnership is formed when the second of the two parties signs the partnership papers. This is not necessarily a public ceremony or even an event that happens at the same time as the first signature.....In contrast, a marriage happens when the partners exchange spoken words and also sign the register."

There is also some interesting information in these links:


http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/feb/17/gay-marriage-civil-partnerships

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4497348.stm
http://www.theweddingcommunity.com/304/Expert-Advice/Article/The-Differences-Between-Civil-Partnerships-and-Marriages


I shall have to do my homework on the subject and get back to you. Right now I have to pack for Japan... (I shall already be there when this comes out..).


Eli x

Heartbreak Hotel

Gay marriage doesn’t bother me; it’s just the marriage part I don’t like. It seems like a binding promise to love someone forever, I don’t think it’s fair to make promises you can’t keep. Almost one in two marriages end in divorce nowadays and it probably reflects that it’s now socially acceptable to change partners, instead of being stuck with the man your parents chose for you for life.

I can see that marriage is more like a guarantee, it might be a more stable environment to raise and family, and from that point of view I think that gay marriage should be legal, they have just as much right to raising a family as any other couple.

It also seems weird to me that laws can be passed about religion, it seems like the two should be separate, my vote is we get rid of any legislation about marriage and let the open minded priests do whatever they like. How can a government interfere with God's will? If there is a god that is.

I don’t want to get married, mainly because I don’t want kids, they’re evil little buggers. But it also seems like a lot of effort, let’s say hypothetically I thought I could love someone until the end of time, why do I need to stand up in church in a frilly white dress and tell my nearest and dearest that? If you’ve already lived with and loved someone for a number of years, what does it change?

Let’s say I change my mind, which is a distinct possibility, I’d go to Vegas and get an Elvis look alike to marry me in jeans and a t-shirt. Then spend my honey moon playing reckless games of poker and drinking fancy cocktails.

All homojournalists will be expected to accompany me on this venture

Todostrieb

Where You go I Will go, Where you Stay I Will Stay

I'm a good little C of E girl. I bell ring and I sing in the church choir. Every year I get paid to help out at several weddings, here is some of what I have learnt.

1. The reading will always be ‘Love is patient, love is kind....’
2. The priest only prepares one sermon, which they will use for every single wedding in their entire career.
3. Brides wearing heels need to watch the floor; old churches have heating grates that like to eat people.
4. One of the hymns will always be Jerusalem.
5. They will always be between a man and a woman.

Points 1-4 I'm resigned to. Although, there’s a lovely passage in Ruth about what Love is, if anyone straight fancies breaking up the routine for me.  It’s point 5 I have an issue with.

My church has several gay members of the congregation and gay clergy men. One of these charming men came with me to a massive C of E conference to meet our local bishop. At this conference we were mixed up with strangers and split into groups. My group was lovely; we built a church out of pipe-cleaners and started brainstorming about how to bring the church forward. Unluckily for my gay clergy man, he sat next to a pillock who went on the entire time about how it was the churches responsibility to ban homosexuality. Had it been me, I would have dragged the homophobe up to the bishop by his ear, and demanded that the bishop pray for his immortal soul, or read aloud pretty much any of the new testament.

My priest (a woman if anyone is curious) once said to me that she would rather be punished when she died for supporting LGBTQ love, than be punished for condemning it. This seemed to her like good enough reason not to be a bigot. In contrast, one of the gay members of the congregation received a death threat from another member of the congregation, because he had been seen in public with his partner. If anybody is wondering what happened, the threatening letter was handed over to the police by my previous priest and the member of the congregation dealt with accordingly.

As an obviously, less than straight member of the congregation, I find these entire goings on quite concerning. What I’m trying to get across with these anecdotes, is that clearly the church is conflicted. The truly dedicated Christians, in my experience are the ones who will leave the judging to God. They are the ones who give the homeless- even though they may be alcoholic drug addicted whores- money on the street. They are the ones who can ignore passages of the bible that tell us to stone the unfaithful wives, those who’ve had sex before marriage and homosexuals. This has been my experience, but perhaps it is not true for everyone.

When we studied terrorism in philosophy, an interesting point was raised. Terrorists believe what they are doing is right, some believe they are doing the work of their God or Gods. But what if these extremists are misinterpreting their religion, how can we ever know if what they are doing is right? The bible, or any other religious text, doesn’t change depending on who reads it or when we read it. It’s a text or text that should be timeless. To claim it means one thing is to lessen that. To claim objectively that it means we should kill certain groups of people, or condemn them, is to restrict the religious text's applications to just that.

Leviticus, the chapter of the bible which speaks most famously about homosexuality, is also the chapter of the bible which condemns tattoos, shellfish and pork. Many homophobes forget that. I have always believed that the bible has these things in more as health warnings than anything else. I appreciate that Judaism upholds some of these laws very literally, but as a Church of England member, I have come to understand that eating shellfish in the times of the bible would have resulted in food poisoning. Gay sex, even now, has more health risks associated with it than straight sex. Some of this is a social stigma, but part of it is practicality. Back in the good old days, anal tearing would’ve killed you. Though, granted, the fear mongering and death penalty does seem a very extreme warning.

So you can see that religion has many different interpretations. My view is that good Christianity means not judging unless you are actually Jesus. So you can probably put 2 and 2 together and realise that as a bisexual I must support gay marriage. I’m lucky enough to live in England, which means that if I want I can get married in a registry office, and all the legalities of a normal marriage will apply. But to me, lack of a church wedding is the same as saying that our relationship isn’t worthy to be blessed in God’s house. A wedding is standing in church with the people you love and making a vow with God’s blessing. Why should that be any different if who you love isn’t a member of the opposite sex?

Wow, this has been a long post; I guess it’s something I feel strongly about. I used to picture myself married to a guy in my head. Though now I think that was more social conditioning than anything else. I once had a dream that Eli and I were getting married, and we had to find a church that had an isle wide enough for both our wedding dresses.  I’m worried that one day soon I’ll want to marry someone I love and be told ‘No, you can go to a registry office, God doesn’t want you here’.  

My God is a God of Love. Why should LGBTQ love be excluded from that?

Have fun,

Mel

xxx

All Gay Men Are Paedophiles, Who Knew?

 Click here to read the news story I'm speaking about....

So many of you will have heard about the scandal at Gatwick airport. A gay man going on holiday was accused of being a paedophile, because he was gay and had a camera. It makes me very, very angry that things like this can still happen. That people in positions of authority are allowed to get away with such flagrant and humiliating abuse.

This is our Sunday post, so it's posted a day after four of our homo journalists returned from holiday via Gatwick. If I'd known then I'd have made more of a fuss. Eli and I were completely ignored. Probably falling into the 'awwwhh lesbianism is cute/hot/sexy' trap. But, if I had been that man I would be suing them so hard right now.

Mel
xxx

I hope that the staff involved in that particular incident have all lost their jobs at Gatwick and subsequently become unemployable even by McDonalds. I fly (or at least will be, once my Mum's moved to Germany) regularly into and out of Gatwick North Terminal, my esteemed colleagues will know that I'm not lying when I say I'll make my distaste and distrust and disgust known if something like that ever happens in front of me...  - Rory.

It seems to me if I had been witness to this the only logical action was to passionately make out with him, and say "I've been looking for you everywhere, I wanted you to take a photo of me with that sign over there, come on sweetheart!" and pretend not to see the guards. - Todostrieb

Aaaahhhh I don't know what to write!

Many may or may have not noticed that I did not write my post last saturday (shock horror). The main reason was the pressure: I was asked to write something vaguely funny and witty within 5 minutes, no more and no less. Ok, having no other option that is what I tried to do; I sat at the computer, clicked on "create new post" and... five minutes were up before I could write anything (since apparently writing "aaaahhhhh I don't know what to write" was not acceptable). Nevertheless my incapability of writing anything at all was also unacceptable so I find myself trying this again.

3 minutes have already gone by! My oh my 5 minutes do go by quickly but at least I wrote an explanation on why I didn't write which I guess still counts as something right? Right? Right???

To waste my last minute (yes another minute has gone by), I would just like to say that I had a lovely time in France!! And would like to thank the fellow homo-journalists who were there :D (aawww aren't I a sweetie?).

Quote of that week:

"We are not lesbians, we are mermaids" ~ Mel

Amazing, will never stop laughing.

Ok my time is up so can't tell you about the other fabulous quotes, too bad.

Love,

Miu xx

PS also I was flying on that Saturday, accompanied my painted-fingernails-boyfriend to a gig and a party (cause I'm lovely) and didn't get home until 3 so please, forgive me.

I'm noticing a pattern here...

This is another post that's coming to you from the past - or rather, this is another busy Friday. Yes, it's results day today (when you read this, obviously), and we're all panicking and having heart attacks and getting drunk as a result. Not me. When this post goes out, I'll be on my way back to school for the technical rehearsal of our school production of Oliver! - I'm in the pit this year, and the musicians are, as always, the people who get it all right consistently. But no hard feelings, eh, they're only actors...

So how does this work then? Any sane person wouldn't put themselves through the torment of going willingly to school on results day, how could anybody ever concentrate?! I don't know. I don't even know where this post is going, I think my five minutes are nearly finished. So I shall promptly change the subject to that of not knowing what to change the subject to.

I hate it when I can't think of a decent topic to switch to; I usually pick the weather and then there's always a really awkward pause in life. Nine times out of ten, we end up back on the original topic. I won't let that happen, because it'll kill me, so before I do, I shall bid ye farewell.

PS: I should point out that after last week's prom, I can confirm that the man of my dreams was not there, and I was not whisked off into the sunset by him.

Franceeeeeeeee!!

Ok, so this week, as you know, we're doing the five minute thing, which sounds fun, but I've done that spammy thing I always do, and started the timer before I even decided upon something to say... dammit.


So, I shall answer the questions I found on yahoo...


1. The name of your first same sex crush?
Ahaha, no. I don't want to say, people know her.. it starts with a N tho :/


2. The name of your last or current girlfriend/boyfriend?
As you all know, Mel.


3. Who's your celebrity crush? 
Ellen Page <3

>.<!!!!!!!!!

4. Gayest thing you ever said?
....


5. ( Like to be called ) Gay, lesbian, bi, bi-curious, or straight? 
None of them. I like "queer" better, because I always change my mind. But gay is ok if I must be called one of them ¬¬


6. Do you kiss and tell?
No, I don't like sharing

Urgh, my time is up, and I fear this has been quite boring, but it was the only lgbt quiz that I could find under pressure... So I am sorry.


Eli x

The Universe is Pear Shaped

Imagine you are standing at time infinity, the end of the universe. Hypothetically, if you could see the whole of space time, right from the beginning (and we know it had a beginning otherwise there would be thermal equilibrium) what would you see?

A giant pear shaped blob of stars and galaxies and supernovae and supermassive black holes, probably shining bright enough that you can’t even see it without burning out your eyeballs a la a true angelic form.

omnomnomnom

The big bang theory, supported by cosmic background radiation, begins with a point of singularity. A tiny point, so small you wouldn’t even be able to see it, even if you existed, of infinite mass and density. It then expands, and keeps expanding, at a faster and faster rate (which can only be explained by dark matter), and then what? You get a space time cone approaching an infinite radius? Nope. It curves back in on itself, big masses curve space time, think about a sheet you drop a pear on to, it bends around. The whole incomprehensible mush of space time converges back in on itself.

I want to clarify I do not like pears very much.

Todostrieb

Mel's Five Minutes of Fame

So five minutes to speak about whatever I want. People have underestimated my typing speed. Underestimated massively.

I thought I might take this opportunity to speak about my holiday. Think of this as a postcard to all our readers- wish you were here, and all that jazz. Some of us homo journalists (four out of six) have taken our better halves (Eli and I haven't quite decided which is the better half yet) to Cannes. This has led to some very sickly sweet coupley moments. Oh sorry did I say sweet? I meant nerdy....A wild Miu has appeared...Todostrieb uses charm....Mel is confused etc etc...Other activities include getting sunburnt, eating tuna and painting the fingernails of Miu's latest conquest. 


It also led to the debate: are we lesbians or are we mermaids? I think we're mermaids, Eli thinks we're lesbians. Although granted, I may fail as a mermaid on account of lack of tail, and I may fail as a lesbian on account of the fact I have been known from time to time to like penis. 

Worryingly there is actually some resemblance to  me and Eli...

Now, by the "mermaid - lesbian debate" what I am really referring to, in a very smart (read "completely unrelated") way, is the attitude to LGBTQ worldwide. Eli and I have had no problems here (the south of France) so far....though probably because people think we're mermaids not lesbians...But, it makes me wonder how things would have been different if I had been born elsewhere. If I had been catholic instead of C of E, what then? If I had been male instead of female, black instead of white, would I still be myself? Would I have been allowed to be myself?


So there we go, five minutes of rambling, about philosophy and pokemon nerdiness with some vague references to what this blog is actually about!


Lots of Love
Mel, not quite lesbian, not quite mermaid but amazing anyway.


PS// Is'nt it worrying how this looks pretty much the same as a post that takes an hour to write? I must spend a lot more time actually thinking normally. 

Oh God, the pressure!

Hellothisweekisfiveminuteblogweekwehavetoblogwhateverwewantinonlyfiveminutesandohgodit'salreadybeenfifteensecondsohmygodnoI'mgonnarunoutoftimeohhelpand-

It's worrying how often this image is appropriate for the situations I'm put in.

Ok, so, yes, due to the fact that 4/6 of the Homojournalists have buggered off to France (thank you, Rory, for being so loyal), we're having a mini-post week, hereby named the "5 Minute Post Week", because it's so hurried it's only just been named, as in right as I typed that, boom.

We have 5 minutes to blog about anything we like, from the state of the Euro to our favourite Loony Toon cartoon, and the posts will likely have nothing to do with each other, and may even contradict.

Kind of like a normal conversation with us, really.

Pictured: a normal Homojournal chat.

Anyway, I'm literally timing myself, and I'm down to 00:17 left, so here's my topic:

Cats.

Cats are good.

Time up.

Yours hurriedly,

James.

YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WRITE A SECRET MESSAGE?!?!?!