Friday 28 September 2012

So many gays!!

Like Mel, and rather unlike James, and Todostrieb, and Eli, and also Miu, I have finally started University. Despite not having met a single one of my flatmates properly (I think most of them are postgraduates - I'm getting the impression that postgrads turn their noses up and look down upon the undergrads in much the same way the sixth form turned their noses up and looked down upon the ickle year 7s with backpacks twice the size of their bodies), this place is officially brilliant. So many people on my course that I've met have also joined the LGBT society, which is also great - I couldn't help but notice that the LGBT society's stand was diagonally opposite the Catholic Society's stand at Fresher's Fayre, and at our LGBT picnic on Wednesday, we successfully kicked the Christian Union out of their marquee without actually telling them to leave.

I did actually have a very different sort of post planned for today which I wrote while in a depressed state of drunkeness, in which I sort of ramble about how I'm such an awkward turtle, and how I go somewhere, with the intention of uttering a word other than “Hello” to somebody I have never met before, and I just lurk at the back, too terrified to say even that. After not very long, I make myself busy (this usually consists of going to the toilet), and then I return to my lurking spot at the back of wherever, hoping that somebody nice will stumble upon me and start talking to me (and if at all possible, not the other way around).

When this does not happen, I begin to look around for someone who looks like an easy target to walk up to and introduce myself to; I see one guy about my age who looks like he might do, and so I set off, only to return straight away to my original position when I notice that he’s engaged himself in conversation with some chick who intercepted him on his way to the bar. I continue scanning the room for another lonely soul, and find nobody. Suddenly I get the impression that somebody’s watching me, and although I cannot for the life of me figure out who, I feel myself going bright red. It’s almost as if the person who may or may not be watching me thinks I’m a bit of a weirdo, all alone in the corner, Billy No-Mates, and I’m whisked back to Primary School break time, when I was Billy No-Mates, all alone in the corner. And so I leave.

Despite this being a regular scenario for me, I am determined not to let it get the better of me... the LGBT society are heading into Soho on Tuesday (which, by some happy coincidence, is my 19th Birthday), so before we leave, I must make sure to take advantage of the subsidised alcohol in the Student Bar to bury my inner introvert and let the extravert come out to play. 

That sounded creepy.... remind me never to say that again.

I have suddenly realised that I decided I didn't want to post that post, yet there it is, all two paragraphs of it... what I actually wanted to say (which was basically about how awesome University is, how many Doctor Who fans there actually are, how awesome the LGBT society is, how many members of said LGBT society are actually on my course) sort of drifted away into depressed drunkeness anyway...  This is because I am in a rush and writing this before going to meet a friend to watch some sort of film on some really uncomfortable lecture theatre seat before going to the local pub and getting absolutely rat-arsed. 

Hey ho.

Tuesday 25 September 2012

We are Southwell and we like drinking...Carpe Noctum etc etc

I’m now in my third day of student life, and so far so good. Fires, unwanted pregnancies and drug overdoses have all been strangely absent so far. Having met the people down the hall, it’s only a matter of time though.

The obvious starting point when speaking about Uni in a homojournal context is the LGBT society....which umm...I haven’t joined yet. Sue me! I haven’t had time to visit the ‘normal’ students freshers fair, I’ve only been to the one for medical nerds. I do have their first ‘queer cafe’ meeting down in my diary though, with a name like that I couldn’t resist. Plus, free cake and lesbians. I’m also looking forward to joining up with the Manchester LGBT’s for a night out later in term (I’m at notts btw).

Humm what else to speak about? Partial nudity seems to be acceptable for all genders, sexualities and BMI’s (sometimes unfortunately so). Dancing with girls (if you’re a girl) and guys (if your a guy) is also pretty standard. So no worries about clubbing with your same sex partners. You should also note that with regard to dancing....actions to songs like Reach by S Club and of course gangham style are completely and utterly compulsory. So get practising!

Yes, places like this really do exist. I was in this club last night. There is hope for all nerds out there.

Now, a word to the wise about the only gay in college types. This is the age of experimentation, you’re away from home perhaps for the first time. You have your own room...with a lock on it. And overnight guests are standard. There’s also plenty of alcohol....and dare I say drugs around, which makes everyone more touchy feely (wink wink). I think I’ve mentioned before how most girls suddenly become bisexual after a couple of units of alcohol. Make sure you do not fuck up your friendships by taking advantage of this, and make sure you won’t get offended if they are not actually gay!

Also. I recommend bringing an entire wardrobe of fancy dress. I have a few outfits with me, but none that fit in with last night’s bay watch theme, tonight’s caveman (I think I’ll just backcomb my hair) or the army night later this week....

And on that note....
I’m off for a lecture (see look I sound all mature and smart don’t I)?
Mel
xxx

Friday 21 September 2012

I really wanna take my cats for a walk now....

And here we are. Again. A topic I have no experience in. I wanted 'most awkward situation being LGBT has put you in', I have plenty of those which I can talk about. Most of them include my family. In fact most awkward situations I've been in involve a family member of sorts. Like that time when we went to New York and my mum told the lady at the currency exchange that she wasn't a Virgin, but that we were flying with them...

Even though we're now two months on from 'Find Rory a Boyfriend Week', Colin Morgan still hasn't declared his undying love for me, which just goes to show that you should never let your friends find your boyfriend for you, because they'll be crap at it (although, James sneakily ended his post that week with a suggestion I am not going to refuse. Ever). As such, I thought that rather than give you all really unhelpful hints which are more likely to lose you your potential boyfriend/girlfriend than gain you one, I took it upon myself to do some research (read 'Google'): below are some links with tips which look like they might actually work. I have already memorised one or two of them and plan on using them at Uni, for which I leave.... tomorrow. I really should begin to pack.

So, we have:

  • Cosmopolitan's 20 Fun, Fearless Ideas to Help You Meet A Man; although it's aimed at the straight females of the world, I'm sure with a bit of jiggery-pokery (technical term), you can adapt it to suit your needs perfectly. (Incidentally, there are one or two rather handsome men here, worth checking out even if you've already met the man of your dreams.)
  • eHow's aptly named How to Meet a Nice Guy; avoid number 3 at all costs, and number 5 should only be considered if you're really, really desperate. Otherwise, go for it.
  • Get-the-Guy's Top 10 Places to meet guys in London; as long as you're not arrested for loitering, this could be a good way forward too. Although, after having read number 8, I desperately want to try and take my cat for a walk through Hyde Park...
I wouldn't get very far.
Maybe we can come back to this theme in a couple of months time when I've got a boyfriend, I can share my wisdom better then.

Thursday 20 September 2012

Top Tips for meeting guys and girls..

This week's topic is.. again, harder than I thought it would be.. It's not as tho I am sitting here surrounded by my harem of hundreds of girls. I am alone.

You'd probably get better advice asking this guy.
Advice no.1: Check around you
If you're at school, college, uni, or work, there might be someone around you who has possibilities.. Maybe there's a gay-straight alliance or a lgbt society?

If there isn't (have you really looked hard enough?) the only two tips I could think of at the moment was:

Advice no.2: Get yourself out there
Join a club, a community, anything that will get you meeting new people, and increase your possibilities. It'll be great, because the people you meet will have the same sorts of interests as you... unless you join a club that you're not interested in... Also: you won't magically meet new girls/guys if you lay in bed all day wondering why you haven't met anyone yet. 

If all else fails, try online!


There are hundreds of online dating websites, for example: Gaydar, Gaydar Girls, Pink sofa... In which you can write up a personal profile, and browse other people's profiles to see if you find anyone you like (see websites for more details on how they work). There are also social network websites, such as: Facebook, Tumblr, Gaiaonline, youtube, in which you can get talking to people casually and get to know them... and maybe have it lead to more :D 


For the most part, if you want to meet people, you have to be somewhat active. If you don't want to be active, you shouldn't be moping about not meeting people. *rants*

anyhoo, hopefully I can be more helpful next week,
eli x

ps, no matter what, whether it be sex, buying popcorn, or talking to people online, always remember to be safe :D

Tuesday 18 September 2012

So, what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?

Ahahahahahaha my commentary on finding guys and girls to date....ahahahahahaha what poor depraved creatures would want my techniques in dating?

Pretty much how I look and act in real life.

Firstly the guys. Previously I thought the only flirting I did was to act awkwardly until people took pity on me. It has only recently come to my attention that playing with people’s hair and holding hands counts as flirting. Suddenly, lots of things make sense. According to my mum, letting guys pay for my drinks also counts as flirting. Oh dear. Perhaps you would like some anecdotes about my recent dating history with guys.

And my mum calls herself a feminist.... seriously though when did a drink equate to sex....
A guy we shall call S kept asking me out for drinks/dinner/sexual acts...and as he knew I had a girlfriend at the time, and I had only just met him, I assumed he was joking. My put downs got gradually more cutting as he kept asking, and I thought it was a running joke amongst the guys at work. Then one night, he invited me out to dinner, in response I insulted his jogging bottoms. 30 seconds later I got a text from one of the other guys at work who’d been witness to this, saying ‘he’s serious you know’....turns out I’d actually been crushing this guy without realising. Needless to say I stopped feeling guilty for this when I fell asleep on him one night and he bit my boob. Yes readers, he bit my boob....through my clothes, with no provocation.

Another guy we shall call L kept asking to meet up, I thought he meant all the work guys so I went along with it....turns out I’ve now accidently asked him on a date.....I asked him to invite everyone else and he got really crushed. Awkward.

Anyway, so I guess my advice to girls wanting to meet guys is play with their hair and hold their hands....also work in security doing night shifts it’s all pervy guys....I guess you could also just go to a bar on your own and look sad and pretty until someone comes up to you. Alternatively, man the fuck up and ask someone out, or buy a guy a drink.

My advice to you if you are a guy, looking for a guy derives from some very strange chats with 2 gay guys I worked nights with, and admittedly we do talk some shit 12 hours into a 15 hour shift, so forgive me. It seemed that all their cuddle buddies and boyfriends have either been met through mutual friends or through strange dating sites and mobile apps....worth a Google I guess. LGBT socs at universities are also an obvious meeting place for our brethren.

So you might be thinking...you clearly fail at reading the signs with guys, maybe you’re better with girls? No. No, is the sad answer to that. Sometimes I’m surprised I get through life without being hit by buses....yet along meet new girls. My main problem is working out if they’re gay.

Now, a golden rule. All girls will be gay if they are drunk. This doesn’t make them actually gay, and makes the morning after a lot more awkward. Another rule...some girls think it might be cool, or fancy experimenting a bit....the only gay in college types. And, another some girls are actually gay and just shy, or still in the closet.  Finally, some gay girls are just out. Oh also, some bisexual girls have histories with guys that make them look straight. You can see that meeting gay girls is a minefield....

So en sommaire. I’m just going to cry alone in my room and hope that my puesdo date with L isn’t too embarrassing....after one of the most awkward conversations of my life we are no going as ‘mates’ whatever the hell that means. Oh god.

Yours socially awkwardly,
Mel.....queen of awkward accidental flirting

Please ignore anything you know about goldfish anatomy for this next paragraph...

PS...new favourite pick up line I heard today à
There are three goldfish living in a bowl together, two guys and a girl. The girl has some existential anxiety going on. She really wants to get out of the bowl, which has become like a prison to her. One of the guys tells her he knows a way out. But he says he’ll only tell her if she sleeps with him. She doesn’t think she has anything to lose, so they have a night of fun, and when she wakes up the next morning the guy fish is gone. She’s baffled and asks the other male. He says he knows where the first guy went, but will only tell her if she sleeps with him. They have a night of fun and yet again when the girl wakes up alone....so where did the male fish go? I know the answer, but i’ll only tell you if you sleep with me babes : D

Saturday 15 September 2012

Don't wait until it's too late

I know I've been missing recently, and although I'm writing this relatively early, it'll probably still be late. I apologise if anyone actually wished to read what I might have to say no matter how silly. Anyway, reading some of what my fellow homojournalist have written this week, I decided to take some time off my very busy schedule of doing nothing and try writing something worth reading.

I have not researched any of this (what can I say, I'm lazy) but I think suicide may happen in two ways:

Lost in the flare of the moment. 
Someone might be having a bad couple of weeks or even just a particularly bad day, so impulsively decides life isn't worth living. Unfortunately suicide isn't something you can just change your mind on or file it under "never-to-repeat" list. Rory went on a rant about people who throw themselves in front of trains, and I couldn't agree more. Although they cannot tell us what was going through their mind, I can think of a few reasons why they might choose this way. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT A FORM OF ENCOURAGEMENT.
  1. They are angry and purposefully want to disrupt transport for others 'cause they hate the world and think it as a sort of revenge.
  2. They think it's quick, effective and... no time for second-thoughts
  3. They accidentally took a step too far (hey maybe not all of those are suicides)
They are not brilliant reasons, but I don't think a suicidal person is in a position to think straight so why argue? 

The last desperate act.
It's often depression that leads to this, but it can also be other mental illnesses. I will concentrate on the former. Depression often isn't easy to spot until it has reached the "higher stages", I happen to have recently read lots about it so I'll just post some links about various symptoms and how they manifest in different people, as I don't want to talk only about that.


This is a quick summary of some of the symptoms, if you have even the slightest doubt about your condition, you should read through the links, google and speack to your GP; it might be nothing, but better safe than sorry. It is not as black and white as it might seem, it's not just about "I cry everyday", in men depression often manifests as anger rather than sadness, whilst teenagers may become more irritable and short tempered. It is important to keep in mind that there are more than one symptoms though you may not have all of them.
  • Tiredness and loss of energy
  • Persistent sadness
  • Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Not being able to enjoy things that are usually pleasurable or interesting
  • Undue feelings of guilt or worthlessness
  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
  • Sleeping problems - difficulties in getting off to sleep or waking up much earlier than usual
  • Avoiding other people, sometimes even your close friends
  • Finding it hard to function at work/college/school
  • Loss of appetite
  • Loss of sex drive and/ or sexual problems
  • Physical aches and pains
  • Thinking about suicide and death
  • Self-harm
I think a possible reason why so many reach this stage is the unwillingness to look for help. Sure, talking to friends might help, but it is often a lot better to speak to a stranger and the best option is if this stranger holds a degree in psychology. Going to a "shrink" does not make you crazy, depression is an illness and they are simply doctors that won't stick nasty stuff in you. Another problem is what I've already said: people don't realise until it is too late. It is difficult for other people to realise what is going on inside a person, so it's really up to them to make the first move.

Since I can't think of anything else to say (mainly 'cause I'm hungover) I'll end this post with a confession, part of the reason I haven't really been writing is because in the past few months I too have been ticking quite a few of those boxes :S Does it mean I'm depressed? I personally don't really think so, though it sometimes worries me, but I'd better check that with someone more qualified to judge just in case. So if you have any doubts, follow my example, you've got nothing to lose :) Also, this is the first time I mention it to anyone so hey, I guess it really is easier to speak to strangers :P

...Now I'll just have to deal with my boyfriend who has suddenly taken an interest in what I'm writing (hope you are not offended or worried, I love you!) Oh and of course my "fellow homojournalists" are my friends hmm... maybe they won't read :P

Love,

Miu xx

Friday 14 September 2012

Suicide is never the answer.

I was in the UK earlier this week; I spent a hell of a lot of this time on the public transport system in and around London, and unfortunately for me, and every other commuter going into Liverpool Street on Tuesday morning, this public transport system ground to a halt once again because somebody had been hit by a train. In the middle of the morning rush hour.

Tragic and sad though it is that anybody should ever feel driven to feel suicidal (and if you are, please go and seek some sort of professional help), I unfortunately have very little sympathy for people who think that the best 'way out' is being run over by the world's biggest bullet (more on the 'way out' in a moment). I have even less sympathy for those people who actually go through with it, and are prepared to a) traumatise the driver live for the rest of his or her life with the knowledge that he or she was driving the train which killed you and there was nothing he or she could have done apart from apply the emergency brake, by which time it's too late anyway, b) cause so much unnecessary disruption to people you've never even met, c) leave behind so much suffering for your friends and family (everybody has friends and family who care a great deal about you, some people just have funny ways of showing it), d) let the people on the platform who saw you jump live with that image for the rest of their lives and last but not least e) made such a terrible mess on our already filthy and disgusting train lines. Forgive me for being blunt, and perhaps a little insensitive, but I fail to understand how anybody, suicidal or not, can justify ruining other people's lives just because they've had enough of their own.

There are unfortunately many people who feel that the only light at the end of the tunnel is that of the on-coming train - and that suicide really is the best option. This is often, as I'm sure one of my esteemed colleagues will have pointed out by now, a result of either a mental illness or of bullying. Quite often, I imagine that both are connected in some way. In both cases, approaching somebody and asking for help is always the best way forward - although none of us are trained counsellors, if you find yourself in this situation, send us an e-mail and we'd be more than happy to point you towards some friendly, understanding people who are more than willing to help you.

With regard to 'the way out' - there isn't one. You can't just decide that because you're stressed, or because nobody likes you, or because you feel isolated killing yourself will be OK, because it won't. Granted, you won't be stressed, but think about how distressed those around you will be... and when you're six feet deep, you'll be more isolated then than you ever will be alive.

Let me say this again, in plain words that everybody can understand:
  • SUICIDE
  • IS
  • NEVER
  • AN 
  • OPTION.
I don't think I can make it clearer than that. There are people who care about you, there always will be. Perhaps you haven't met them yet. But by taking your own life prematurely, you will never, ever meet that person who cares. Take it from these people, they've been to dark places nobody ever needs to go to, and have lived to tell the tale - and a happy life.

I know I've linked to this song before, but it's brilliant, and well worth a listen. Twice.

I apologise if I've been uncharacteristically blunt and/or insensitive this week, I suppose I don't really approve of suicide in any form, and when I have opinions like this I find it unusually hard to express them both verbally and written...ly. I also realise that I seem to have chosen the rather more extreme example of throwing yourself in front of a train as the focus for most of this post; thankfully it doesn't happen all too often.

Hopefully next week's topic will be more cheerful, but we wouldn't be doing our duties properly if we didn't have some serious topics once in a blue moon.

Wednesday 12 September 2012

You have too much to live for

Okay, so maybe you don’t right this second. You lost your job. Your wife left you. You can’t stop cutting. You can’t stop starving. The world is a horrible place. But it doesn’t always have to be. Any second now, someone could knock on your door right…now. Give you $1,000,000,000/sweep you off your feet/ give you a big hug. Somewhere out there cares, even if it doesn’t seem like, and if all else fails I do, drop me a line in our email and I’ll get back to you from my own email/skype/phone/tumblr/homing pigeon.

Suicide prevention makes me sad, sad that we need this week and sad that so often it fails. The easiest thing to do is confront someone your concerned about if you think they may be suicidal. By confront I do not mean “get better, I am unwilling to help someone with a mental illness who doesn’t try and get better”, I mean make them tea and cookies. Tell them you love them. Let them know you’re there for them. If they don’t want to speak about it, let them know that’s okay too, but you’ll be there for them when they do. Give them constructive things to do and spend time doing useless things like painting with your hands. Do your research, is this person going through personal issues you could help with (don’t but your nose in where it isn’t wanted though!). Or maybe you feel they fit a profile for a mental illness, encourage them to take the first steps in seeking help. There’s no formula for making someone feel better, but trying, even if you fail, is worth the effort.

If you didn’t notice the signs, don’t blame yourself, it’s human nature to be self-centred, just try harder to care about others from now on.

Some tips for emergencies:
·         If you find someone bleeding too much
o   Apply immediate pressure to the wound, don’t be afraid to press hard and hurt you want to stop blood flow to the area
o   Elevate the site of wound, for example, hold an arm above their head
o   Keep them from going into shock, speak to them and try and keep them awake, offer a sugary drink
o   I don’t recommend trying this but coconut milk is isotonic with blood so it can be used as an emergency transfusion
o   To further stop blood flow you can tie a tight bandage (a shoe lace will do) at the base of the limb, but be careful, if blood flow is cut off too long their cells can begin to die.
o   Keep them warm, use blankets and anything available
o   Obviously first you should call 911/999 whatever your emergency number is.
·         If you think someone has overdosed and they are conscious
o   Make them stay awake and walk around
o   Feed them water saturated with salt and hopefully they’ll throw up, make sure they don’t choke though, learn the Heimlich or if all else fails clear their airways manually (it’s not recommended to do this because of the risk of lodging the blockage further down their throat but in dire circumstances you may need to)
o   Again call for medical aid
·         If they’re not
o   Call for medical aid, there’s not much you can do here, try and identify what it is they took and how much, this may make professional treatment easier
o   Put them in the recovery position, if you don’t know it roll them gently onto their side and keep a close eye on them
·         Drowning
o   This is one I don’t know much about I’m afraid, but if there are strong currents do not dive in after them, especially if the water is cold, the danger is too great to yourself
o   Learn mouth to mouth resuscitation, use this
o   Keep them warm, the water will make them lose heat extremely fast

There’s a million different methods of suicide, I’ve covered some common ones, but my advice is no substitute for medical training, lots of schools and universities offer short and often free courses in basic first aid if this is something that keeps you awake at night I recommend taking one, you never know when it might come in handy.

As I’m signing off, if a loved one or someone close to you is suicidal don’t take it to heart if you hear something along the lines of “if you do this, I’ll kill myself” (I actually got this from an ex boyfriend), and yes it is rather hurtful of them to say something of the sort, remember what a hard time they are going through at the moment, it’s not your fault (unless you’re a bully or something in which case stop being a dick) it’s mental illness speaking, they need help, not anger.

Todostrieb


Tuesday 11 September 2012

It really does get better

Here at homojournal we like a laugh. We muck around, drink more vodka than seems healthy and make the mistakes that lots of other teenagers do. But, we have a serious side. We care about the world and our readers. So, without further ado I begin this week’s more serious topic of suicide. In honour of the suicide prevention week happening right now.

Contrary to popular belief the Golden Gate Bridge is the second most popular suicide destination of all time. Most of us cannot imagine standing 67 metres above the water and then jumping. Hell, most of us wouldn’t jump ten. They say it’s like the 200 people who tried jumping to safety from the twin towers. The people watching couldn’t believe what they were seeing, that these people thought jumping from that height might be the better way out. But, we couldn’t feel the fire on their heels, we can’t possible understand what they were thinking in their last moments. Suicide is like that. Until you are the one standing at the edge with the flames at your back, you can only understand it in the abstract way we understand all mental health.

No-one is safe from suicide. Eminem, Diana of Wales and Halley Berry all attempted (unsuccessfully) to take their own lives. If the worlds brightest and best can feel that way, it’s no surprise that some teens in our situations feel like it’s a viable option. All minorities are statistically more prone to bullying, depression and feelings of isolation. LGBT’s are no exception to this rule. An alarming number of young people from our community committed suicide last year. And, this is something that needs to stop.

So, here’s a little advice for our readers-
Fuck them all.
Anyone who has ever looked down on you, bullied you, or broken your heart will live to regret the day they did.
Live your life. Live it so well that everyone will look to you. Change lives for the better. Be the change that should have come a long time ago.
There are many projects that can give advice and information regarding LGBT teen suicides. For example the make it stop campaign, if you want help or are interested.
There are numbers you can call if you want a chat (google my friends). Or, of course give Homojournalists an email, or a homojournalist of your choice.


Here’s a little song by Rise Against for the ‘it gets better’ project. Which I love in it’s own right, and because of the message behind it.

Remember lovers, it does get better
Mel

Sunday 9 September 2012

So, Cameron got his new cabinet from IKEA...

You've probably all realised by now that David Cameron has had a reshuffle of his Cabinet. (If you hadn't noticed, come out of the hole you've been hiding in for the last week, you missed yesterday's Doctor Who.) Its sparked lots of debate over the government's transport policy and possible expansion of Heathrow. What it hasn't yet sparked, is a serious talk about what the clear shift to the right that this new cabinet clearly is means for the LGBT community. There are one or two things which don't bode well. 

Let's start with the positives. Openly gay Lib Dem MP David Laws is back in government; he resigned as Chief Secretary to the Treasury after just 17 days in the post after it emerged he'd been claiming for his boyfriend's house on expenses. This time, he's not in the treasury, but is a Schools Minister, which should be good for trying to beat homophobic and transphobic bullying in schools. He can also keep our 'right honourable' Education Secretary Michael Gove in check, make sure he's not doing anything too stupid with our schools. Sadly, Gove didn't lose his job in the reshuffle. Maybe Cameron's logic is that we're a lost generation anyway, so if Gove absolutely has to be in the cabinet, then at the top of the Department for Education, where he can't do any real damage...

After this point, I'm having trouble thinking about the positives about the reshuffle which concern the gay community, I really am. You see, when you discover that Chris Grayling, the former Shadow Home Secretary who lost out on a cabinet job last time round because he said that Christian b&b owners should be able to deny gay couples a room on grounds of their sexuality, has become Justice Secretary, you really begin to question the sanity of the big cheese in No. 10. A homophobic, non-lawyer Justice Secretary, who'd have thought? Oh, and when I said non-lawyer, did I mention he's the first non-lawyer Justice Secretary since the Tudor times?

However, Good Sirs and Gentle Ladies, my biggest worry on what this new cabinet means for the LGBTQ community is this: allow me to introduce you to your new Equalities Minister, Maria Miller. In the past, she has voted:

  • Against Gay rights, including adoption. 
  • Against a bill which I forget the name of, under which lesbian couples would have been able to undergo fertility treatment. 
  • Against the religious and racial hatred bill
  • In favour of defining the terms "homophobia", "racial hatred" and "prejudice" as merely being somebody's 'Freedom of Speech'. 
And they're just the votes she took part in. 

Shocked? I am. Maybe I shouldn't be; after all, this is a Tory led government, but I had hoped that Britain would be taking a step forward towards equality for all, not backwards, as Miller's appointment seems to indicate. They certainly seemed to be doing that; David Cameron has announced his support for marriage equality, and a public consultation on the issue went out, the results of which are to be published soon...ish. Hopefully we're still going ahead with getting equal marriage (or, as some people like to call it, gay marriage) by the end of parliament in 2015, despite this questionable appointment to the Equality office.

I think Cameron has certainly made a few mistakes in his reshuffle; certainly the appointment of Maria Miller as Equalities Minister is something which will linger in the minds of minority communities, such as the LGBTQ one, when we get to the election in 2015, regardless of any possible future reshuffles in which the equalities brief may go elsewhere. Clearly it'll be a while before we see how well Miller does her job; I for one will be keeping a close eye on how well she is or isn't doing, and she and the government would be well advised not to underestimate the importance of continuing to move towards greater equality and doing more towards eliminating homophobia and transphobia in schools and in the workplace, and in our society in general (yes, I know the Equalities Act 2010 forbids discrimination on grounds of sexuality or gender identity, by no stretch of the imagination should we assume that it's been eradicated completely).

Friday 7 September 2012

Let's get one thing straight.

I'm not. I never have been. And I never will be*.

Science is beginning to suggest that sexual orientation, or sexuality, or sexual preference, or whatever the hell you want to call it, is at least partly genetic. In other words, it's something you're born with, not something you develop, or catch, or decide upon. It certainly isn't the work of the devil, or of God, and anybody who tries to suggest otherwise needs their head examining pronto. In case you hadn't yet realised what I'm on about, weather you like cock, tits, both or neither, it's all completely natural.
Which is why things like this piss me off big time.
I understand that people who are coming to terms with their sexuality can find it a very daunting process, and may initially be 'weirded out' by the prospect of having sex with someone of the same gender (although, if that's the case, then you're probably not gay anyway), and certainly are cautious as to your family's reaction. And I can definitely understand why you would consider trying to become straight to please your family - when I was coming out, I remember trying to picture a life in which I had a wife and later kids. In each scenario I thought of, there was a different wife, and in each and every scenario, it all ended unhappily because I preferred cock over tits.

This doesn't mean that I dreamt of every single possible scenario; far from it - I don't believe that I am 100% gay, in the same way that Miu claims she's not 100% straight. I don't know if there's a girl out there who might actually succeed in making me question my homosexuality - if such a girl exists, she probably wouldn't succeed in making me believe I'm straight, because I just don't think anybody is completely straight. I think I'm going off topic here.

If someone thinks they're gay and they don't want to be, then it is for them and only them to find this out. Therapists and anti-gay organisations and religious groups and homophobes have no right to meddle with someone's personal life, and I don't care if they claim they're doing it to 'help', because quite often it doesn't help and only serves to confuse people more. I mentioned in my coming out post that I saw a counsellor when I was coming out; she did not try to indoctrinate me into being one or the other, she did not force me to believe anything, and she certainly did not approach me claiming she had all the answers. I spoke to her, and she listened, and she was a great help, and I'm waffling.

I don't even know what I've said any more, I've written whole paragraphs and deleted them before they were finished because it was a load of bullshit. Maybe next week will see me be a little more coherent.

Thursday 6 September 2012

They say she turned straight

There's an article in the Daily Mail, about a woman that went from:

this, 

To this. 
If you type the words "I want to be turned straight" into Google, countless search results pop up, with desperate people trying to find a way out of who they are.
I take this as an indicator that homosexuality and bisexuality is something that you are born with, or something that happens, not something you choose. But in this article, the ex-lesbian states that dating women was a "choice" and not something that just happened. There was a controversy a few months back when a public figurehead stood up and announced her lesbianism was a choice. 

Perhaps this means that to some, choosing homosexuality is a choice, and to those for whom it is a choice, it may be possible to reverse that choice. However, to others, to whom it is not a choice, it could be mentally damaging to try to go-straight. My mother's friend Janet (I think) has had years of counseling due to psychological damaged caused by fanatical christian anti-homosexuality camps she was forced to attend as a teenager by her parents.

Then of course, there are some that choose to live a lie.

They say: "you can only be truly happy if you accept who you really am", but what is happiness?

"The temptation to lie to yourself, to go on living a lie, is overwhelming.."
For me personally, I think she (in the Daily Mail story) looks better as a lesbian. But I'm not the type to find the average marital bliss attractive. I think people who say that they had a choice are in fact bisexuals *shrugs*, but I am pretty much ignorant in these subjects.. again.. 
I don't think you can change who you are.. "It doesn't hurt to try it" is often a lie.. Often times if you stick with it, things get better. Especially being gay :)

see ya next Thursgay, 
eli x

ps, feel free to comment and message us :D

Wednesday 5 September 2012

Homophobic Chickens

The Chick-fil-a debate may have died down a little in the past few weeks but it seems apt to resurrect it for this week’s theme, will someone always be gay? The boycott was not as a result of thousands of people disrespecting the company director’s right to freedom of speech as many mistakenly thought. But rather thousands of dollars of profits were going directly to ‘anti-gay camps’, for lack of a better term. I’ll admit, boycotting a business for a homophobic owner may seem a little over the top on the reaction scale, sure he’s an ass but does his livelihood and many others who also depend on the chain deserve to suffer? In this case yes, he’s not keeping his opinions to himself; by donating to these misguided camps it directly causes anguish to many LGBTQ teens and even adults.

The camp in question, although I’ll admit my research was brief, seems rather a complete waste of money. During the first stage of rehabilitation the idea is not to speak to anybody for fifteen days or so, with no contact with the outside world or the use of any media. This wouldn’t make me feel any less homosexual, just a lot crazier. These places prey on the fears of parents who care for their child but are frightened for them, if you just Google this company, Refuge in Milwaukee, their website is quick to point out how your loved one might be suffering from an unhealthy ‘love-addiction’, even citing cases of PTSD cause by such relationships.

It gets worse as well, some of this stuff is being taught in schools globally. There was a recent case in Malaysia where young boys were entered into a program by teachers who had concerns over their sexuality, often based on mere speculation, during school in the name of religion and ethics. I’ll admit this early targeting system is probably more effective, but ultimately more scaring. I doubt their school mates sympathised.
All my hopes were destroyed when he came out as gay :'(
I'm of the opinion your sexuality is part of who you are, it won’t change. It might take you time to find out what you truly identify as, and phases do exist; it’s perfectly possible to decide you are in fact gay after many years of being bi etc. Programs like these may stamp out any trace of the unusual from your child, but it will be a façade created by fear, no more. They will always be gay, or bi or lesbian or whatever it was you were so afraid of in the first place. You just destroyed any ounce of the courage they possessed to be themselves. Congratulations.

Todostrieb

Tuesday 4 September 2012

Square pegs in round holes


My answer to this is simple. Yes, but not deliberately. I believed sexuality is a little fluid, some people need to experiment and for all I know that could take years. This makes it seems reasonable that LGBT’s could later decide they are straight.

But, in terms of actually turning someone then not so much. Can we make people Christian, or kind, or smart? We can brainwash them sure, we can condition the human mind to behave in certain ways, but it won’t result in the same psychological state of being as would be found in a ‘naturally straight person’.
I think I remember reading something about a gay person volunteering for a scientific turn me straight program. I’m not talking about those American summer camps (which I find as degrading and as disgusting as fat camps), I’m talking about proper scientific cruelty.

They would get him to...toss off...looking at pictures of men, and then give him electric shocks. They would get him to look at pictures of woman and force orgasm. The results were as you can imagine, interesting. He was turned straight for a while. Then he went mad and killed himself, which was probably not the response they had hoped for. I’d have to reference all this, it’s possible I dreamed this experiment myself, but I’m pretty sure this is all true. Even if I am being oddly delusional today, the point stands, it is hard to change who somebody is without destroying them.

A quick general word of warning about these correctional camps. When you have a problem you examine the problem. You find out what caused it. You work out how you can undo these processes that cause the problem. Thus, if we did for whatever reasons decide being gay was bad, we would need to know exact causes before we could attempt to fix it. Doing the mental or sometimes physical equivalent of beating it out of them only creates psychopaths. It would be impossible to truly change someones sexuality until we understood it in the first place.

Peace,
Mel

Btw, Mel forgot her login details, this is actually Mel's post and not me (Rory) pretending to Mel. Why would I do that??